Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
