having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
