On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
