There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
