Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We left the knife in your bed.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
