i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
