Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
