why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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