I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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