i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
