Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
