maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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