She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
