The maid of honor just puked.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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