if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
