nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
