Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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