Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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