I can't breathe out the right side of my face
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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