Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
