wrigley field is MILF paradise
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I forget how to act sober
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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