Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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