I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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