At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
