my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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