So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
