no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
