(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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