Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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