Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
