one might say we're banned from that church
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
