i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
