This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
