I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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