Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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