Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
