I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
