I CAN MOONWALK!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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