She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
