I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
