My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
