I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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