dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
