Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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