I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
