Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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