I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
