we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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