He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
