I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
