I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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