my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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